Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
