...so i touched it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
