If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
