Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would ride that face into the sunset
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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