Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
