wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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