new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
