I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
