All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
