If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We are two peas in an std pod
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
