what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
