i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
