My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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