when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
