O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
