Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
