You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
