Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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