and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
