I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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