just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
