i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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