I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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