This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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