ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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