remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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