I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
