and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
