So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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