If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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