I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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