Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Too much gin, very little bucket
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
