Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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