i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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