I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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