i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
