just survived the first fart of the relationship.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
