He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You pole danced in your parka.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
