Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
