Do you still have your period?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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