Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
