Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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