i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
