My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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