I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
