Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
