nut hugger
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
