I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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