We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
