at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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