The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
