Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
