Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
