Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
