Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
