i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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