the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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