Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
