i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
