"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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