Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am puke
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
