She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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