I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
