my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He? As in you personified your dick?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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