Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
