Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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