I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
