Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
