So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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