Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
