its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize