Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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