my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
