I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
