Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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