thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
