My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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