so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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