He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
