k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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