I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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