your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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