How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
