one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
