he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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