if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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